Hi Friends...
I found this fable very nice & encouraging... Dont afford to miss such a nice article :-)
THE DONKEY
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.
Do U like this article & get some amount of inspiration???
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Appraisal के नाम पर एक लम्बी आह भरते हैं,
Appraisal के नाम पर एक लम्बी आह भरते हैं,
chaliye ab hum is "dukhad" kahani ki shuruat karte hain,
हमेह्सा की तरह 10 बजे ठुमकते हुए office आया,
11 बजे तक नाश्ता किया और बारह बजे तक mail ही पढ़ पाया ,
हमेशा की तरह आज भी मुझे आलस आ रहा था ,
और मेरा PM मुझे तिरछी निगाहों से देख -देख गुस्सा रहा था,
मैं बड़े concentration के साथ एक "Careful" mail पढ़ रहा था,
तभी देखा मेरे PM ke नाम का नया mail कोने मैं blink कर रहा था,
फिर कोई traini n g attend करनी होगी,ये क्या बकवास है,
क्या reply मैं लिख दूँ की मेरे mailbox का उपवास है?
मैंने आँखें बंद की और 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
और प्रणाम karate huye मैंने वो मेल खोला,
PM के इस s मेल मैं एक अजीब सा सुकून और भोलापन है,
likha है भाइयों appraisal letters आ गए,अब तो one -to-one hai,
मॅन मैं ऐसे बुरे बुरे ख्याल आ रहे थे ,
ऊपर से कुछ लोग मेरे"de-appraisal" की गन्दी affwah उड़ा रहे थे,
PM को letter लाते देख हर कोई useदेखता जाता है,
जैसे mallika के किसी नए गाने को देखा जाता है,
आखिर वो वक़्त आया,PM ने एक एक kar sabako ander बुलाया,
जो भी अंदर जाता हँसता हुआ जाता,
जो बहार आता,मुरझाया hua aata,
बहार आ कर इंसान संभल भी नहीं पता है,
की "कितना हुआ kitna मीला"हर कोई उसपे टूट जाता है,
किसी एक को appraisal मैं 2000 rupaye मिले थे , मैं उसकी हंसी उड़ा रहा था ,
तभी मैंने देखा मेरा PM इशारे से मुझे अंदर बुला रहा था ,
मैं confidence से उठा और आगे कदम बढाया ,
तभी मेरी belt का buckle टूट के नीकल आया ,
मेरी हालत तो अभी से ही बुरी हो गयी ,
साला इज्ज़त उतरना तो यही से शुरू हो गयी ,
मैं अंदर पहुंचा और PM ने मुझे बिठाया ,
उसने मेरा letter पढा और वो हंसी रोक न पाया ,
वोह इतना हंसा की usse आंसू आ गए ,
क्या मेरे appraisal digits usse इतने भा गए ,
जैसे ही उसने appraisal letter मेरी तरफ बढाया ,
मेरी आँखों के आगे घनघोर अँधेरा छाया ,
मुझे लगा जैसे मेरे dil की दीवार को किसी ने गोबर से पोता है ,
अरे यार "बीस rupaye" ? ये भी कोई increment होता है ?
ये software indusrty है , अखाडा नहीं है ,
ये "SALARY INCREMENT" है , दादर आने -जाने का भाडा नहीं
है ,
मेरे चारों तरफ कलि घटा छायी ,तभी मेरे PM की soothing आवाज़ आई ,
तुम सोच रहे होगे के company mgmt का दिमाग फिर गया है ,
पर बेटा हम क्या करें , dollar का bhav 2 rupaye जो gir गया है ,
पर फिर भी मुझे लगता है , ये letter fake है ,
मुझे तो लगता है ये printing mistake है,
तुम HR मैं जाओ ,और ये confirm करके आओ ,
भाई HR मैं जाने के लिए तैयार होना पड़ता है ,
वही तो ऐसी जगह है जहाँ सुंदर लड़कियों से पला पड़ता है ,
shitt!! जहाँ "Renuka " बैठी है , आज वहां बैठा "Aftab" hai,
मैं समझ गया बेटा , आज अपना luck ही ख़राब है ,
उसने मेरा letter खोला ,और खुश हो के बोला ,
वो बोला sir आप के लिए खुशखबरी है ,
आप के letter ने "Printing mistake" पकड़ी है ,
मैंने कहा boss अब देर न लगाएं ,
और मुझे मेरा actual amount बताएं ,
sorry sir ये mistake just by एक्सीडेंट है ,
बीस rupaye नहीं , दो rupaye आप का increment है ,
मैं क्या करूं आप को ये बताते हुए मेरा dil रो रहा है ,
पर क्या करें dollar का भाव भी तो कम हो रहा है ,
मैं बस वहाँ खडा था ,कुछ समझ नहीं आ रहा था ,
मुझसे ज्यादा increment तो security वाला पा रहा था ,
मैंने खुद को संभाला , खुद को उठाया ,
मैं लौटा और सीधे PM के पास आया ,
मैं सीधा उसके केबिन गया और दरवाज़ा खोला ,
इस से पहले की वो बोले , मैं ही उस से बोला ,
sir ये पैसे वापिस ले लीजिये , बात करना फीजूल है,
मैं गरीब हूँ,पर भीख नहीं लेता ये मेरा उसूल है|.
chaliye ab hum is "dukhad" kahani ki shuruat karte hain,
हमेह्सा की तरह 10 बजे ठुमकते हुए office आया,
11 बजे तक नाश्ता किया और बारह बजे तक mail ही पढ़ पाया ,
हमेशा की तरह आज भी मुझे आलस आ रहा था ,
और मेरा PM मुझे तिरछी निगाहों से देख -देख गुस्सा रहा था,
मैं बड़े concentration के साथ एक "Careful" mail पढ़ रहा था,
तभी देखा मेरे PM ke नाम का नया mail कोने मैं blink कर रहा था,
फिर कोई traini n g attend करनी होगी,ये क्या बकवास है,
क्या reply मैं लिख दूँ की मेरे mailbox का उपवास है?
मैंने आँखें बंद की और 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
और प्रणाम karate huye मैंने वो मेल खोला,
PM के इस s मेल मैं एक अजीब सा सुकून और भोलापन है,
likha है भाइयों appraisal letters आ गए,अब तो one -to-one hai,
मॅन मैं ऐसे बुरे बुरे ख्याल आ रहे थे ,
ऊपर से कुछ लोग मेरे"de-appraisal" की गन्दी affwah उड़ा रहे थे,
PM को letter लाते देख हर कोई useदेखता जाता है,
जैसे mallika के किसी नए गाने को देखा जाता है,
आखिर वो वक़्त आया,PM ने एक एक kar sabako ander बुलाया,
जो भी अंदर जाता हँसता हुआ जाता,
जो बहार आता,मुरझाया hua aata,
बहार आ कर इंसान संभल भी नहीं पता है,
की "कितना हुआ kitna मीला"हर कोई उसपे टूट जाता है,
किसी एक को appraisal मैं 2000 rupaye मिले थे , मैं उसकी हंसी उड़ा रहा था ,
तभी मैंने देखा मेरा PM इशारे से मुझे अंदर बुला रहा था ,
मैं confidence से उठा और आगे कदम बढाया ,
तभी मेरी belt का buckle टूट के नीकल आया ,
मेरी हालत तो अभी से ही बुरी हो गयी ,
साला इज्ज़त उतरना तो यही से शुरू हो गयी ,
मैं अंदर पहुंचा और PM ने मुझे बिठाया ,
उसने मेरा letter पढा और वो हंसी रोक न पाया ,
वोह इतना हंसा की usse आंसू आ गए ,
क्या मेरे appraisal digits usse इतने भा गए ,
जैसे ही उसने appraisal letter मेरी तरफ बढाया ,
मेरी आँखों के आगे घनघोर अँधेरा छाया ,
मुझे लगा जैसे मेरे dil की दीवार को किसी ने गोबर से पोता है ,
अरे यार "बीस rupaye" ? ये भी कोई increment होता है ?
ये software indusrty है , अखाडा नहीं है ,
ये "SALARY INCREMENT" है , दादर आने -जाने का भाडा नहीं
है ,
मेरे चारों तरफ कलि घटा छायी ,तभी मेरे PM की soothing आवाज़ आई ,
तुम सोच रहे होगे के company mgmt का दिमाग फिर गया है ,
पर बेटा हम क्या करें , dollar का bhav 2 rupaye जो gir गया है ,
पर फिर भी मुझे लगता है , ये letter fake है ,
मुझे तो लगता है ये printing mistake है,
तुम HR मैं जाओ ,और ये confirm करके आओ ,
भाई HR मैं जाने के लिए तैयार होना पड़ता है ,
वही तो ऐसी जगह है जहाँ सुंदर लड़कियों से पला पड़ता है ,
shitt!! जहाँ "Renuka " बैठी है , आज वहां बैठा "Aftab" hai,
मैं समझ गया बेटा , आज अपना luck ही ख़राब है ,
उसने मेरा letter खोला ,और खुश हो के बोला ,
वो बोला sir आप के लिए खुशखबरी है ,
आप के letter ने "Printing mistake" पकड़ी है ,
मैंने कहा boss अब देर न लगाएं ,
और मुझे मेरा actual amount बताएं ,
sorry sir ये mistake just by एक्सीडेंट है ,
बीस rupaye नहीं , दो rupaye आप का increment है ,
मैं क्या करूं आप को ये बताते हुए मेरा dil रो रहा है ,
पर क्या करें dollar का भाव भी तो कम हो रहा है ,
मैं बस वहाँ खडा था ,कुछ समझ नहीं आ रहा था ,
मुझसे ज्यादा increment तो security वाला पा रहा था ,
मैंने खुद को संभाला , खुद को उठाया ,
मैं लौटा और सीधे PM के पास आया ,
मैं सीधा उसके केबिन गया और दरवाज़ा खोला ,
इस से पहले की वो बोले , मैं ही उस से बोला ,
sir ये पैसे वापिस ले लीजिये , बात करना फीजूल है,
मैं गरीब हूँ,पर भीख नहीं लेता ये मेरा उसूल है|.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action!!!
The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, an old man was seating with his 30 year old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside. "See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful". This behaviour from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this son. "This guy seems to be a crack." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son, filled with joy". See dad, how beautiful the rain is". Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
"Anup, cant you see its raining, you old man, if your son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental asylum, and don't disturb public henceforth"
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied "we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."
Moral of this story:
The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us. So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action
Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son, filled with joy". See dad, how beautiful the rain is". Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
"Anup, cant you see its raining, you old man, if your son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental asylum, and don't disturb public henceforth"
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied "we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."
Moral of this story:
The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us. So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOT CHOCOLATE
A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each others cups.
Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.
A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each others cups.
Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.
The Silversmith Story
The Silversmith Story
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
****************
Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them.
And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.
"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once."
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
****************
Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them.
And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.
"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once."
Implement this in your future if ur spouse asks divorce
Read this mail when you have free time. Don’t Delete without reading completely . It may help u in future i.e after marriage.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.
I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.
My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...
I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:
"I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart"
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship.
It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.
Relationships are made not to exploit, not to be broken.
We teach some by what we say
We teach some more by what we do
But we teach most by what we are
You don't get to choose how you are going to die, or when, but, you can decide how you are going to live, here and now.
Remember:
people will forget what you said ...
people will forget what you did ...
but people will never forget how you made them feel ...
You Have To Learn Lessons Also >From Others Mistakes
Because you Will Not Get Time To Do All The Mistakes On Your Own
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.
I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.
My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...
I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:
"I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart"
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship.
It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.
Relationships are made not to exploit, not to be broken.
We teach some by what we say
We teach some more by what we do
But we teach most by what we are
You don't get to choose how you are going to die, or when, but, you can decide how you are going to live, here and now.
Remember:
people will forget what you said ...
people will forget what you did ...
but people will never forget how you made them feel ...
You Have To Learn Lessons Also >From Others Mistakes
Because you Will Not Get Time To Do All The Mistakes On Your Own
How Asset Bubble Builds up!!!
Here's a very interesting anecdote that describes how an "asset bubble"
builds up and what are its consequences.
Read it even if it confuses you a bit...things will be clear as you reach the end....
ANECDOTE -
Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was the
tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollar as there
were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.
1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the land. B
and C each owned 1 dollar.
2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, A and C now each
own 1 dollar while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 3 dollar.
3) C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country and
land is non produceable asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he
borrowed 1 dollar from A and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the
land from B for 2 dollar.
A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.
B sold his land and got 2 dollar, so his net asset is 2 dollar.
C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollar but with his 1 dollar debt to A,
his net asset is 1 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 4 dollar.
4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted
selling it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollar
from B and and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollar. The payment is by
2 dollar cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to
C.
As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollar. But since
he owed B 2 dollar, his net asset is 1 dollar.
B loaned 2 dollar to A. So his net asset is 2 dollar.
C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 5 dollar. A bubble is building up.
(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the
land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollar. The payment is by borrowing
2 dollar from C and cancellation of his 2 dollar loan to A.
As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net
asset is 2 dollar.
B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollar but since he has a debt of 2
dollar with C, his net Asset is 2 dollar.
C loaned 2 dollar to B, so his net asset is 2 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 6 dollar. Even though, the country has only
one piece of land and 2 Dollar in circulation.
(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.
(7) One day an evil wind blowed. An evil thought came to C's mind. "Hey,
what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is
only 2 dollar in circulation, I think after all the land that B owns is
worth at most 1 dollar only."
A also thought the same.
(8) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore. In the end, A owns the 2 dollar
coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B owed C 2 dollar and the land he owned
which he thought worth 4 dollar is now 1 dollar. His net asset become -1
dollar.
C has a loan of 2 dollar to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset
is still 2 dollar, his Heart is palpitating.
The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again.
Who has stolen the 3 dollar from the country ?
Of course, before the bubble burst B thought his land worth 4 dollar.
Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was 6
dollar in paper. his net asset is still 2 dollar, his heart is palpitating.
The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again.
(9) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his 2
dollar bad debt to B but in return he acquired the land which is worth 1
dollar now.
A owns the 2 coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B is bankrupt, his net asset
is 0 dollar. ( B lost everything ) C got no choice but end up with a land
worth only 1 dollar (C lost one dollar) The net asset of the country = 3
dollar.
************ ****End of the story******* ********* ********* **
There is however a redistribution of wealth.
A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.
A few points worth noting -
(1) When a bubble is building up, the debt of individual in a country to one
another is also building up.
(2) This story of the island is a close system whereby there is no other
country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can only be
calculated using the island's own currency. Hence, there is no net loss.
(3) An overdamped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning the
land's value did not go down to below 1 dollar.
(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The fellows
having the land or extending loan to others are the loser. The asset could
shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.
(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another piece
of land but refrain to take part in the game. At the end of the day, he will
neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land go up
and down like a see saw.
(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money.
(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble, it is
worthwhile to borrow money (like A ) and take part in the game. But you must
know when you should change everything back to cash.
(8) Instead of land, the above applies to stocks as well.
(9) The actual worth of land or stocks depend largely on psychology.
builds up and what are its consequences.
Read it even if it confuses you a bit...things will be clear as you reach the end....
ANECDOTE -
Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was the
tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollar as there
were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.
1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the land. B
and C each owned 1 dollar.
2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, A and C now each
own 1 dollar while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 3 dollar.
3) C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country and
land is non produceable asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he
borrowed 1 dollar from A and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the
land from B for 2 dollar.
A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.
B sold his land and got 2 dollar, so his net asset is 2 dollar.
C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollar but with his 1 dollar debt to A,
his net asset is 1 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 4 dollar.
4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted
selling it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollar
from B and and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollar. The payment is by
2 dollar cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to
C.
As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollar. But since
he owed B 2 dollar, his net asset is 1 dollar.
B loaned 2 dollar to A. So his net asset is 2 dollar.
C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 5 dollar. A bubble is building up.
(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the
land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollar. The payment is by borrowing
2 dollar from C and cancellation of his 2 dollar loan to A.
As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net
asset is 2 dollar.
B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollar but since he has a debt of 2
dollar with C, his net Asset is 2 dollar.
C loaned 2 dollar to B, so his net asset is 2 dollar.
The net asset of the country = 6 dollar. Even though, the country has only
one piece of land and 2 Dollar in circulation.
(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.
(7) One day an evil wind blowed. An evil thought came to C's mind. "Hey,
what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is
only 2 dollar in circulation, I think after all the land that B owns is
worth at most 1 dollar only."
A also thought the same.
(8) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore. In the end, A owns the 2 dollar
coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B owed C 2 dollar and the land he owned
which he thought worth 4 dollar is now 1 dollar. His net asset become -1
dollar.
C has a loan of 2 dollar to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset
is still 2 dollar, his Heart is palpitating.
The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again.
Who has stolen the 3 dollar from the country ?
Of course, before the bubble burst B thought his land worth 4 dollar.
Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was 6
dollar in paper. his net asset is still 2 dollar, his heart is palpitating.
The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again.
(9) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his 2
dollar bad debt to B but in return he acquired the land which is worth 1
dollar now.
A owns the 2 coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B is bankrupt, his net asset
is 0 dollar. ( B lost everything ) C got no choice but end up with a land
worth only 1 dollar (C lost one dollar) The net asset of the country = 3
dollar.
************ ****End of the story******* ********* ********* **
There is however a redistribution of wealth.
A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.
A few points worth noting -
(1) When a bubble is building up, the debt of individual in a country to one
another is also building up.
(2) This story of the island is a close system whereby there is no other
country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can only be
calculated using the island's own currency. Hence, there is no net loss.
(3) An overdamped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning the
land's value did not go down to below 1 dollar.
(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The fellows
having the land or extending loan to others are the loser. The asset could
shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.
(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another piece
of land but refrain to take part in the game. At the end of the day, he will
neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land go up
and down like a see saw.
(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money.
(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble, it is
worthwhile to borrow money (like A ) and take part in the game. But you must
know when you should change everything back to cash.
(8) Instead of land, the above applies to stocks as well.
(9) The actual worth of land or stocks depend largely on psychology.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Hum se panga na lena!!! ;-)
A little girl asked her father: How did the human race get here? The father answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.
Two days later she asks her mother the same question. The mother answered: Many years ago there were monkeys who came down out of the trees. They started to walk on their back legs, made tools and fire and eventually turned into mankind.
The confused girl returns to her father and says: Pappa, why is it that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mama says they came from monkeys. The father answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family while your mother told you about her side!
Two days later she asks her mother the same question. The mother answered: Many years ago there were monkeys who came down out of the trees. They started to walk on their back legs, made tools and fire and eventually turned into mankind.
The confused girl returns to her father and says: Pappa, why is it that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mama says they came from monkeys. The father answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family while your mother told you about her side!
Young ALBERT EINSTEIN...
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student :Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student : From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student :Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student : No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student : No , sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelled your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light.... But if youhave no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelled it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it, sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
That young man was ALBERT EINSTEIN
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student :Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student : From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student :Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student : No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student : No , sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelled your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light.... But if youhave no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelled it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it, sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
That young man was ALBERT EINSTEIN
Subroto Bagchi's Address to IIM Bangalore
I was the last child of a small-time government servant, in a family of five brothers. My earliest memory of my father is as that of a District Employment Officer in Koraput, Orissa. It was and remains as back of beyond as you can imagine. There was no electricity; no primary school nearby and water did not flow out of a tap. As a result, I did not go to school until the age of eight; I was home-schooled. My father used to get transferred every year. The family belongings fit into the back of a jeep - so the family moved from place to place and, without any trouble, my Mother would set up an establishment and get us going. Raised by a widow who had come as a refugee from the then East Bengal, she was a matriculate when she married my Father. My parents set the foundation of my life and the value system which makes me what I am today and largely defines what success means to me today.
As District Employment Officer, my father was given a jeep by the government. There was no garage in the Office, so the jeep was parked in our house. My father refused to use it to commute to the office. He told us that the jeep is an expensive resource given by the government - he reiterated to us that it was not 'his jeep' but the government's jeep. Insisting that he would use it only to tour the interiors, he would walk to his office on normal days. He also made sure that we never sat in the government jeep - we could sit in it only when it was stationary. That was our early childhood lesson in governance - a lesson that corporate managers learn the hard way, some never do.
The driver of the jeep was treated with respect due to any other member of my Father's office. As small children, we were taught not to call him by his name. We had to use the suffix 'dada' whenever we were to refer to him in public or private. When I grew up to own a car and a driver by the name of Raju was appointed - I repeated the lesson to my two small daughters. They have, as a result, grown up to call Raju, 'Raju Uncle' - very different from many of their friends who refer to their family drivers as 'my driver'. When I hear that term from a school- or college-going person, I cringe. To me, the lesson was significant - you treat small people with more respect than how you treat big people. It is more important to respect your subordinates than your superiors.
Our day used to start with the family huddling around my Mother's chulha - an earthen fire place she would build at each place of posting where she would cook for the family. There was no gas, nor electrical stoves. The morning routine started with tea. As the brew was served, Father would ask us to read aloud the editorial page of The Statesman's 'muffosil' edition - delivered one day late. We did not understand much of what we were reading. But the ritual was meant for us to know that the world was larger than Koraput district and the English I speak today, despite having studied in an Oriya medium school, has to do with that routine. After reading the newspaper aloud, we were told to fold it neatly. Father taught us a simple lesson. He used to say, "You should leave your newspaper and your toilet, the way you expect to find it".
That lesson was about showing consideration to others. Business begins and ends with that simple precept.
Being small children, we were always enamored with advertisements in the newspaper for transistor radios - we did not have one. We saw other people having radios in their homes and each time there was an advertisement of Philips, Murphy or Bush radios, we would ask Father when we could get one. Each time, my Father would reply that we did not need one because he already had five radios - alluding to his five sons. We also did not have a house of our own and would occasionally ask Father as to when, like others, we would live in our own house. He would give a similar reply, "We do not need a house of our own. I already own five houses". His replies did not gladden our hearts in that instant. Nonetheless, we learnt that it is important not to measure personal success and sense of well being through material possessions.
Government houses seldom came with fences. Mother and I collected twigs and built a small fence. After lunch, my Mother would never sleep. She would take her kitchen utensils and with those she and I would dig the rocky, white ant infested surrounding. We planted flowering bushes. The white ants destroyed them. My mother brought ash from her chulha and mixed it in the earth and we planted the seedlings all over again. This time, they bloomed. At that time, my father's transfer order came. A few neighbors told my mother why she was taking so much pain to beautify a government house, why she was planting seeds that would only benefit the next occupant. My mother replied that it did not matter to her that she would not see the flowers in full bloom. She said, "I have to create a bloom in a desert and whenever I am given a new place, I must leave it more beautiful than what I had inherited". That was my first lesson in success. It is not about what you create for yourself, it is what you leave behind that defines success.
My mother began developing a cataract in her eyes when I was very small. At that time, the eldest among my brothers got a teaching job at the University in Bhubaneswar and had to prepare for the civil services examination. So, it was decided that my Mother would move to cook for him and, as her appendage, I had to move too. For the first time in my life, I saw electricity in homes and water coming out of a tap. It was around 1965 and the country was going to war with Pakistan. My mother was having problems reading and in any case, being Bengali, she did not know the Oriya script. So, in addition to my daily chores, my job was to read her the local newspaper - end to end. That created in me a sense of connectedness with a larger world. I began taking interest in many different things. While reading out news about the war, I felt that I was fighting the war myself. She and I discussed the daily news and built a bond with the larger universe. In it, we became part of a larger reality. Till date, I measure my success in terms of that sense of larger connectedness.
Meanwhile, the war raged and India was fighting on both fronts. Lal Bahadur Shastri, the then Prime Minster, coined the term "Jai Jawan, Jai Kishan" and galvanized the nation in to patriotic fervor. Other than reading out the newspaper to my mother, I had no clue about how I could be part of the action. So, after reading her the newspaper, every day I would land up near the University's water tank, which served the community. I would spend hours under it, imagining that there could be spies who would come to poison the water and I had to watch for them. I would daydream about catching one and how the next day, I would be featured in the newspaper.
Unfortunately for me, the spies at war ignored the sleepy town of Bhubaneswar and I never got a chance to catch one in action. Yet, that act unlocked my imagination. Imagination is everything. If we can imagine a future, we can create it, if we can create that future, others will live in it. That is the essence of success.
Over the next few years, my mother's eyesight dimmed but in me she created a larger vision, a vision with which I continue to see the world and, I sense, through my eyes, she was seeing too. As the next few years unfolded, her vision deteriorated and she was operated for cataract. I remember, when she returned after her operation and she saw my face clearly for the first time, she was astonished. She said, "Oh my God, I did not know you were so fair". I remain mighty pleased with that adulation even till date. Within weeks of getting her sight back, she developed a corneal ulcer and, overnight, became blind in both eyes.
That was 1969. She died in 2002. In all those 32 years of living with blindness, she never complained about her fate even once. Curious to know what she saw with blind eyes, I asked her once if she sees darkness. She replied, "No, I do not see darkness. I only see light even with my eyes closed". Until she was eighty years of age, she did her morning yoga everyday, swept her own room and washed her own clothes. To me, success is about the sense of independence; it is about not seeing the world but seeing the light.
Over the many intervening years, I grew up, studied, joined the industry and began to carve my life's own journey. I began my life as a clerk in a government office, went on to become a Management Trainee with the DCM group and eventually found my life's calling with the IT industry when fourth generation computers came to India in 1981. Life took me places - I worked with outstanding people, challenging assignments and traveled all over the world. In 1992, while I was posted in the US, I learnt that my father, living a retired life with my eldest brother, had suffered a third degree burn injury and was admitted in the Safderjung Hospital in Delhi. I flew back to attend to him - he remained for a few days in critical stage, bandaged from neck to toe. The Safderjung Hospital is a cockroach infested, dirty, inhuman place. The overworked, under-resourced sisters in the burn ward are both victims and perpetrators of dehumanized life at its worst. One morning, while attending to my Father, I realized that the blood bottle was empty and fearing that air would go into his vein, I asked the attending nurse to change it. She bluntly told me to do it myself. In that horrible theater of death, I was in pain and frustration and anger. Finally when she relented and came, my Father opened his eyes and murmured to her, "Why have you not gone home yet?" Here was a man on his deathbed but more concerned about the overworked nurse than his own state. I was stunned at his stoic self. There I learnt that there is no limit to how concerned you can be for another human being and what the limit of inclusion is you can create. My father died the next day.
He was a man whose success was defined by his principles, his frugality, his universalism and his sense of inclusion. Above all, he taught me that success is your ability to rise above your discomfort, whatever may be your current state. You can, if you want, raise your consciousness above your immediate surroundings. Success is not about building material comforts - the transistor that he never could buy or the house that he never owned. His success was about the legacy he left, the mimetic continuity of his ideals that grew beyond the smallness of a ill-paid, unrecognized government servant's world.
My father was a fervent believer in the British Raj. He sincerely doubted the capability of the post-independence Indian political parties to govern the country. To him, the lowering of the Union Jack was a sad event. My Mother was the exact opposite. When Subhash Bose quit the Indian National Congress and came to Dacca, my mother, then a schoolgirl, garlanded him. She learnt to spin khadi and joined an underground movement that trained her in using daggers and swords. Consequently, our household saw diversity in the political outlook of the two. On major issues concerning the world, the Old Man and the Old Lady had differing opinions. In them, we learnt the power of disagreements, of dialogue and the essence of living with diversity in thinking. Success is not about the ability to create a definitive dogmatic end state; it is about the unfolding of thought processes, of dialogue and continuum.
Two years back, at the age of eighty-two, Mother had a paralytic stroke and was lying in a government hospital in Bhubaneswar. I flew down from the US where I was serving my second stint, to see her. I spent two weeks with her in the hospital as she remained in a paralytic state. She was neither getting better nor moving on. Eventually I had to return to work. While leaving her behind, I kissed her face. In that paralytic state and a garbled voice, she said, "Why are you kissing me, go kiss the world." Her river was nearing its journey, at the confluence of life and death, this woman who came to India as a refugee, raised by a widowed Mother, no more educated than high school, married to an anonymous government servant whose last salary was Rupees Three Hundred, robbed of her eyesight by fate and crowned by adversity - was telling me to go and kiss the world!
Success to me is about Vision. It is the ability to rise above the immediacy of pain. It is about imagination. It is about sensitivity to small people. It is about building inclusion. It is about connectedness to a larger world existence. It is about personal tenacity. It is about giving back more to life than you take out of it. It is about creating extra-ordinary success with ordinary lives.
Thank you very much; I wish you good luck and Godspeed. Go, kiss the world.
As District Employment Officer, my father was given a jeep by the government. There was no garage in the Office, so the jeep was parked in our house. My father refused to use it to commute to the office. He told us that the jeep is an expensive resource given by the government - he reiterated to us that it was not 'his jeep' but the government's jeep. Insisting that he would use it only to tour the interiors, he would walk to his office on normal days. He also made sure that we never sat in the government jeep - we could sit in it only when it was stationary. That was our early childhood lesson in governance - a lesson that corporate managers learn the hard way, some never do.
The driver of the jeep was treated with respect due to any other member of my Father's office. As small children, we were taught not to call him by his name. We had to use the suffix 'dada' whenever we were to refer to him in public or private. When I grew up to own a car and a driver by the name of Raju was appointed - I repeated the lesson to my two small daughters. They have, as a result, grown up to call Raju, 'Raju Uncle' - very different from many of their friends who refer to their family drivers as 'my driver'. When I hear that term from a school- or college-going person, I cringe. To me, the lesson was significant - you treat small people with more respect than how you treat big people. It is more important to respect your subordinates than your superiors.
Our day used to start with the family huddling around my Mother's chulha - an earthen fire place she would build at each place of posting where she would cook for the family. There was no gas, nor electrical stoves. The morning routine started with tea. As the brew was served, Father would ask us to read aloud the editorial page of The Statesman's 'muffosil' edition - delivered one day late. We did not understand much of what we were reading. But the ritual was meant for us to know that the world was larger than Koraput district and the English I speak today, despite having studied in an Oriya medium school, has to do with that routine. After reading the newspaper aloud, we were told to fold it neatly. Father taught us a simple lesson. He used to say, "You should leave your newspaper and your toilet, the way you expect to find it".
That lesson was about showing consideration to others. Business begins and ends with that simple precept.
Being small children, we were always enamored with advertisements in the newspaper for transistor radios - we did not have one. We saw other people having radios in their homes and each time there was an advertisement of Philips, Murphy or Bush radios, we would ask Father when we could get one. Each time, my Father would reply that we did not need one because he already had five radios - alluding to his five sons. We also did not have a house of our own and would occasionally ask Father as to when, like others, we would live in our own house. He would give a similar reply, "We do not need a house of our own. I already own five houses". His replies did not gladden our hearts in that instant. Nonetheless, we learnt that it is important not to measure personal success and sense of well being through material possessions.
Government houses seldom came with fences. Mother and I collected twigs and built a small fence. After lunch, my Mother would never sleep. She would take her kitchen utensils and with those she and I would dig the rocky, white ant infested surrounding. We planted flowering bushes. The white ants destroyed them. My mother brought ash from her chulha and mixed it in the earth and we planted the seedlings all over again. This time, they bloomed. At that time, my father's transfer order came. A few neighbors told my mother why she was taking so much pain to beautify a government house, why she was planting seeds that would only benefit the next occupant. My mother replied that it did not matter to her that she would not see the flowers in full bloom. She said, "I have to create a bloom in a desert and whenever I am given a new place, I must leave it more beautiful than what I had inherited". That was my first lesson in success. It is not about what you create for yourself, it is what you leave behind that defines success.
My mother began developing a cataract in her eyes when I was very small. At that time, the eldest among my brothers got a teaching job at the University in Bhubaneswar and had to prepare for the civil services examination. So, it was decided that my Mother would move to cook for him and, as her appendage, I had to move too. For the first time in my life, I saw electricity in homes and water coming out of a tap. It was around 1965 and the country was going to war with Pakistan. My mother was having problems reading and in any case, being Bengali, she did not know the Oriya script. So, in addition to my daily chores, my job was to read her the local newspaper - end to end. That created in me a sense of connectedness with a larger world. I began taking interest in many different things. While reading out news about the war, I felt that I was fighting the war myself. She and I discussed the daily news and built a bond with the larger universe. In it, we became part of a larger reality. Till date, I measure my success in terms of that sense of larger connectedness.
Meanwhile, the war raged and India was fighting on both fronts. Lal Bahadur Shastri, the then Prime Minster, coined the term "Jai Jawan, Jai Kishan" and galvanized the nation in to patriotic fervor. Other than reading out the newspaper to my mother, I had no clue about how I could be part of the action. So, after reading her the newspaper, every day I would land up near the University's water tank, which served the community. I would spend hours under it, imagining that there could be spies who would come to poison the water and I had to watch for them. I would daydream about catching one and how the next day, I would be featured in the newspaper.
Unfortunately for me, the spies at war ignored the sleepy town of Bhubaneswar and I never got a chance to catch one in action. Yet, that act unlocked my imagination. Imagination is everything. If we can imagine a future, we can create it, if we can create that future, others will live in it. That is the essence of success.
Over the next few years, my mother's eyesight dimmed but in me she created a larger vision, a vision with which I continue to see the world and, I sense, through my eyes, she was seeing too. As the next few years unfolded, her vision deteriorated and she was operated for cataract. I remember, when she returned after her operation and she saw my face clearly for the first time, she was astonished. She said, "Oh my God, I did not know you were so fair". I remain mighty pleased with that adulation even till date. Within weeks of getting her sight back, she developed a corneal ulcer and, overnight, became blind in both eyes.
That was 1969. She died in 2002. In all those 32 years of living with blindness, she never complained about her fate even once. Curious to know what she saw with blind eyes, I asked her once if she sees darkness. She replied, "No, I do not see darkness. I only see light even with my eyes closed". Until she was eighty years of age, she did her morning yoga everyday, swept her own room and washed her own clothes. To me, success is about the sense of independence; it is about not seeing the world but seeing the light.
Over the many intervening years, I grew up, studied, joined the industry and began to carve my life's own journey. I began my life as a clerk in a government office, went on to become a Management Trainee with the DCM group and eventually found my life's calling with the IT industry when fourth generation computers came to India in 1981. Life took me places - I worked with outstanding people, challenging assignments and traveled all over the world. In 1992, while I was posted in the US, I learnt that my father, living a retired life with my eldest brother, had suffered a third degree burn injury and was admitted in the Safderjung Hospital in Delhi. I flew back to attend to him - he remained for a few days in critical stage, bandaged from neck to toe. The Safderjung Hospital is a cockroach infested, dirty, inhuman place. The overworked, under-resourced sisters in the burn ward are both victims and perpetrators of dehumanized life at its worst. One morning, while attending to my Father, I realized that the blood bottle was empty and fearing that air would go into his vein, I asked the attending nurse to change it. She bluntly told me to do it myself. In that horrible theater of death, I was in pain and frustration and anger. Finally when she relented and came, my Father opened his eyes and murmured to her, "Why have you not gone home yet?" Here was a man on his deathbed but more concerned about the overworked nurse than his own state. I was stunned at his stoic self. There I learnt that there is no limit to how concerned you can be for another human being and what the limit of inclusion is you can create. My father died the next day.
He was a man whose success was defined by his principles, his frugality, his universalism and his sense of inclusion. Above all, he taught me that success is your ability to rise above your discomfort, whatever may be your current state. You can, if you want, raise your consciousness above your immediate surroundings. Success is not about building material comforts - the transistor that he never could buy or the house that he never owned. His success was about the legacy he left, the mimetic continuity of his ideals that grew beyond the smallness of a ill-paid, unrecognized government servant's world.
My father was a fervent believer in the British Raj. He sincerely doubted the capability of the post-independence Indian political parties to govern the country. To him, the lowering of the Union Jack was a sad event. My Mother was the exact opposite. When Subhash Bose quit the Indian National Congress and came to Dacca, my mother, then a schoolgirl, garlanded him. She learnt to spin khadi and joined an underground movement that trained her in using daggers and swords. Consequently, our household saw diversity in the political outlook of the two. On major issues concerning the world, the Old Man and the Old Lady had differing opinions. In them, we learnt the power of disagreements, of dialogue and the essence of living with diversity in thinking. Success is not about the ability to create a definitive dogmatic end state; it is about the unfolding of thought processes, of dialogue and continuum.
Two years back, at the age of eighty-two, Mother had a paralytic stroke and was lying in a government hospital in Bhubaneswar. I flew down from the US where I was serving my second stint, to see her. I spent two weeks with her in the hospital as she remained in a paralytic state. She was neither getting better nor moving on. Eventually I had to return to work. While leaving her behind, I kissed her face. In that paralytic state and a garbled voice, she said, "Why are you kissing me, go kiss the world." Her river was nearing its journey, at the confluence of life and death, this woman who came to India as a refugee, raised by a widowed Mother, no more educated than high school, married to an anonymous government servant whose last salary was Rupees Three Hundred, robbed of her eyesight by fate and crowned by adversity - was telling me to go and kiss the world!
Success to me is about Vision. It is the ability to rise above the immediacy of pain. It is about imagination. It is about sensitivity to small people. It is about building inclusion. It is about connectedness to a larger world existence. It is about personal tenacity. It is about giving back more to life than you take out of it. It is about creating extra-ordinary success with ordinary lives.
Thank you very much; I wish you good luck and Godspeed. Go, kiss the world.
Amazing article from the GREAT ONE Mr. APJ KALAM
Power of Positive Talk
I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.
One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.
My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. fall.
My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.
This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.
My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.
Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.
Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made.
If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."
People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.
Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."
If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.
Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.
Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.
Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.
One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.
My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. fall.
My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.
This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.
My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.
Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.
Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made.
If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."
People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.
Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."
If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.
Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.
Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.
Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
FAILURE CAN BE A STEPPING STONE!!!
FAILURE CAN BE A STEPPING STONE!
I am about to narrate one of the most inspiring stories I heard. This is the story of a man who overcame problems, difficulties and failures to eventually rise as a super hero.
He was born on November 17 1906 to Gihei, a blacksmith. He spent his early childhood helping his father repair bicycles and later moved to Tokyo where he worked as an apprentice at a garage and later as a car mechanic.
Later he designed a piston ring and decided to sell it to the Toyota Corporation. He worked for long hours, day after day, for months exhausting all his money and even pledged his wife's jewellery to keep his project going. After years of hard work and concentrated efforts he designed a piston ring and approached Toyota. He was sure they would buy it but they rejected it outright.
People made fun of him and thought he had almost lost all his money, he did not lose hope. He had tremendous faith in his dream and kept refining his design for the next two years. Once again he visited Toyota, this time with an all new design.Toyota bought it immediately and it seemed that his dream had come true.
However, he now had another challenge. He needed to build his factory to manufacture piston rings and needed concrete for the construction. But since Japan was preparing for the World War II, he could find no concrete in the country. Again he did not give up; he put in weeks of untiring effort and along with some of his friends he figured out alternative ways of manufacturing concrete and finally built his factory.
Things never looked brighter as everything fell in place and his factory began production. But during the war his factory was bombed and destroyed. Determined as he always was, he rebuilt it but things hit rock bottom when an earthquake levelled his factory and he was forced to sell his piston manufacturing operation to Toyota.
The situation went from bad to worse when the war ended — Japan was experiencing its toughest times ever. Resources were scarce and no one could even find petrol to drive their cars around. This is when he found a little motor almost like the one we use to drive a lawn mower. He fixed this to a bicycle and created the world's first motorbike. He used this bike to go to the market to buy food for his family. People took notice of this little wonder and asked him to make some more motor bikes.
This brought him to the next turning point in his career. Soon orders started pouring in and he ran out of motors and funds to meet the growing demand for his motorbikes. He then decided to raise funds inviting thousands of bicycle shop owners to invest in his company. Some of them responded, money started to pour in and the manufacturing processes began. However, the first shipment was poorly received by buyers as the motorbike was too bulky and very few people bought it.
The 'never-say-die' spirit of the man made him work harder until he found a way to make lighter and smaller bikes which became an instant hit and made him a super hero, first in Japan and then in the rest of the world. Yes, I am talking about the man known for his machines Soichiro Honda, founder of Honda Motor Company Limited. Today his company employs over a lakh of people around the world and manufactures some of the best automobiles, motorcycles, engines, generators, scooters, jets and so on.
Honda emerged victorious in spite of all odds against him because he never gave up; he had immense faith in his abilities and knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life. He looked for an opportunity in every difficulty, kept himself motivated in the darkest hours of his life and created a fortune with the power of his dreams.
Now time for a quick thought. Isn't this a situation that most of us have experienced in our lives? Some go though the grill and become Dhirubhai Ambani, Narayana Murthy, Udit Narayan, Sonu Nigam, Irfan Pathan and Saurav Ganguly. These are people who like Soichiro Honda never gave up and kept working hard to get lucky in life.
Then there are others who go half the distance to make their dreams come true; succumb to difficulties, perhaps give up and now lead a life full of compromises. And another set of people who are too scared to even dream big. They are so overwhelmed with the fear of failure that they do not even dream.
You have to work at making your dreams come true. It could be a dream to build a great business or to do well in exams or just improve a relationship. Don't give up, don't feel defeated, don't get depressed, try again, try different approaches, try with an open mind, drop your emotional and mental baggage, stay positive, accept failures, learn from your mistakes and try again because that is the only way to succeed.
Your ability to deal constructively and effectively with mistakes and temporary setbacks is a skill that you can learn and become proficient at. The best way to deal with any failure is to realise that it is an indispensable prerequisite for success.
Remember, when God closes one door he always opens another — so get up, look for the new door, open it and get started again.
I am about to narrate one of the most inspiring stories I heard. This is the story of a man who overcame problems, difficulties and failures to eventually rise as a super hero.
He was born on November 17 1906 to Gihei, a blacksmith. He spent his early childhood helping his father repair bicycles and later moved to Tokyo where he worked as an apprentice at a garage and later as a car mechanic.
Later he designed a piston ring and decided to sell it to the Toyota Corporation. He worked for long hours, day after day, for months exhausting all his money and even pledged his wife's jewellery to keep his project going. After years of hard work and concentrated efforts he designed a piston ring and approached Toyota. He was sure they would buy it but they rejected it outright.
People made fun of him and thought he had almost lost all his money, he did not lose hope. He had tremendous faith in his dream and kept refining his design for the next two years. Once again he visited Toyota, this time with an all new design.Toyota bought it immediately and it seemed that his dream had come true.
However, he now had another challenge. He needed to build his factory to manufacture piston rings and needed concrete for the construction. But since Japan was preparing for the World War II, he could find no concrete in the country. Again he did not give up; he put in weeks of untiring effort and along with some of his friends he figured out alternative ways of manufacturing concrete and finally built his factory.
Things never looked brighter as everything fell in place and his factory began production. But during the war his factory was bombed and destroyed. Determined as he always was, he rebuilt it but things hit rock bottom when an earthquake levelled his factory and he was forced to sell his piston manufacturing operation to Toyota.
The situation went from bad to worse when the war ended — Japan was experiencing its toughest times ever. Resources were scarce and no one could even find petrol to drive their cars around. This is when he found a little motor almost like the one we use to drive a lawn mower. He fixed this to a bicycle and created the world's first motorbike. He used this bike to go to the market to buy food for his family. People took notice of this little wonder and asked him to make some more motor bikes.
This brought him to the next turning point in his career. Soon orders started pouring in and he ran out of motors and funds to meet the growing demand for his motorbikes. He then decided to raise funds inviting thousands of bicycle shop owners to invest in his company. Some of them responded, money started to pour in and the manufacturing processes began. However, the first shipment was poorly received by buyers as the motorbike was too bulky and very few people bought it.
The 'never-say-die' spirit of the man made him work harder until he found a way to make lighter and smaller bikes which became an instant hit and made him a super hero, first in Japan and then in the rest of the world. Yes, I am talking about the man known for his machines Soichiro Honda, founder of Honda Motor Company Limited. Today his company employs over a lakh of people around the world and manufactures some of the best automobiles, motorcycles, engines, generators, scooters, jets and so on.
Honda emerged victorious in spite of all odds against him because he never gave up; he had immense faith in his abilities and knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life. He looked for an opportunity in every difficulty, kept himself motivated in the darkest hours of his life and created a fortune with the power of his dreams.
Now time for a quick thought. Isn't this a situation that most of us have experienced in our lives? Some go though the grill and become Dhirubhai Ambani, Narayana Murthy, Udit Narayan, Sonu Nigam, Irfan Pathan and Saurav Ganguly. These are people who like Soichiro Honda never gave up and kept working hard to get lucky in life.
Then there are others who go half the distance to make their dreams come true; succumb to difficulties, perhaps give up and now lead a life full of compromises. And another set of people who are too scared to even dream big. They are so overwhelmed with the fear of failure that they do not even dream.
You have to work at making your dreams come true. It could be a dream to build a great business or to do well in exams or just improve a relationship. Don't give up, don't feel defeated, don't get depressed, try again, try different approaches, try with an open mind, drop your emotional and mental baggage, stay positive, accept failures, learn from your mistakes and try again because that is the only way to succeed.
Your ability to deal constructively and effectively with mistakes and temporary setbacks is a skill that you can learn and become proficient at. The best way to deal with any failure is to realise that it is an indispensable prerequisite for success.
Remember, when God closes one door he always opens another — so get up, look for the new door, open it and get started again.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
A husband's true feeling.. Classic one :)
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly
her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking
too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going
to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use
the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think
I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving." :-)
her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking
too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going
to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use
the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think
I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving." :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)